The Journey of "Home within Yourself"

When we started our journey with Van Emma in 2024, I had to leave everything I loved behind. The one thing I couldn’t let go of were my furry companions — my ponies.

I tried to take the journey while keeping them in my life, but it didn’t work. I worried about them constantly. The people back home were struggling with the situation — and so were the ponies.

After many sleepless nights, I knew I had to find a new home for them. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. But deep down, I knew it was the right one — for them, and for me.

 

The Fear of Losing

On our last day together, I saw a flock of geese flying overhead. I wondered — do they feel the same fear when leaving home for the unknown? But then I thought — no. The geese always return, year after year. But me? Letting go of the ponies… I couldn’t go back.

Weeks passed. The ponies settled into their new home. I returned to the van. But the grief followed. I missed them terribly.

I found comfort only in painting. I worked on a new piece in shades of blue and earthy tones. As soon as the background was finished, I knew I would paint wild geese. Painting them reminded me of my last day with the ponies. And they brought me something else, too. Words began to slip into my mind — a new story, about a young goose setting out south for the first time, afraid to leave its home behind. But I didn’t yet know how it would overcome its fear.

 

I Can’t Lose What Lives Inside Me

One night, when the feeling of missing my ponies was overwhelming me again, Ari asked me what I was longing for. And I told him about all those little moments with the ponies: the feeling of a mane between my fingers, their soft, curious eyes beneath the sky, the quiet presence of these two beautiful souls.

And as I spoke, I didn’t just remember — it felt real. I could see it. I could feel it.

While telling Ari about those little moments, I suddenly thought of the geese again. Maybe my situation wasn’t so different after all.

Maybe I can’t return in reality. But what does reality actually mean? Is it only what we can touch with our hands? Or also what we see with our inner eyes — what we remember, what we feel deep within?

Isn’t that just as real?

 

Home Within Yourself

Like the geese, I can always come back. Maybe not in the physical world, but you know what? That’s just the outer shape of things.

I may not be with the ponies in the outside world — but within me, I am.

Suddenly I knew how my story had to end. That this was what the elder goose had to tell the younger one — that wherever we go, and whatever we must leave behind, we can never lose what lives within us.

That the little goose carries her home within herself.

zoefee